Too often when hopeful parents who want to have children but are unable to discuss it with friends and family, the most common response is “Why don’t you just adopt?” But in reality, that’s an extremely flawed concept because the adoption process is difficult, complex and oftentimes heartbreaking.
For Ramona Huhn Melder and Brandon Melder, their first two forays into the adoption process were the latter: Heartbreaking. After completing their home study in February 2020, the Melders had two possible matches that didn’t work out.
Out of the blue, the third time was the charm. A day after twin boys were born, they received a call on a Friday and were asked if they were interested in adopting the precious children. The next morning they met with the birth mother for a couple hours at the hospital and were chosen as the adoptive parents. But before they could meet the boys and get to hold the twins in their arms, the Melders and the birth mother had to fill out paperwork into the night to get to that warm moment of becoming a family of four.
At 9 p.m., Ramona and Brandon finally got to meet and hold Owen and Kole for the first time. Ramona said in that moment, they were both very emotional with her bawling like a baby as her husband remained in shock and utter disbelief it was finally happening.
The Melders weren’t the only people emotional. The nurses and doctors who work in the nursery and the NICU were as well because they had also spent the past few days wondering what Owen and Kole’s fate was going to be.
“They were wondering and waiting what was going to happen to the twins, if they were going to be together, if they were going to be separated, if they were going into foster care,” Ramona explained. “The story kind of trickled around the hospital on what was happening. By the time we got to the nursery to hold Owen, we were just full of anticipation.”
That Sunday, they got to bring Owen home, but Kole remained at the hospital in the NICU because he needed to gain some more weight before his release. A week later, one day after Mother’s Day, Kole got to move into his forever home.
“In the matter of 48 hours, we went from being no parents to parents of twins,” Ramona said. “It rocked our world.”
She added it was actually beneficial to have one week with the older twin at home because it allowed the couple to get adjusted a little bit to life as first-time parents.
“We got to get adjusted to no sleep, waking up all hours of the night and what not before the other one came home,” she said.
When the Melders initially got the call, they were hopeful about the adoption but also skeptical after being left at the proverbial parenthood altar twice already. Ramona, who is a Columbia native, said all they could do was trust in the process and know that God would take care of it if it were meant to be.
“From the first two possible matches, we learned really not to get our hopes up and not to get too excited because of such disappointment,” she said. “But when we got the phone call Saturday morning that the birth mom wanted to meet with us in person, that is when things kind of changed for us. We were a little more hopeful. We had a good two-hour conversation with her that sounded very promising. There were lots of questions on both sides, and we gave her some time to think.
“She didn’t even want to think about it. We wanted to leave and give her space, but she was ready to go home and couldn’t leave the hospital without making a decision. I think she was just relieved that we were a church-going couple that was grounded with good jobs and financially stable. She wanted a Christian home. Those were the important questions that she asked,” Ramona continued. “I think once she realized what kind of family we were, at least in that moment with not really knowing us, she went ahead and made the decision.”
However, they still had to wait until nighttime for the birth mother to confirm that decision. Meanwhile, the Melders, who currently reside in Louisiana, were just waiting and hoping she wouldn’t change her mind.
While the timing of the adoption may have been a surprise, Ramona and Brandon were ready for it and already had a nursery ready for when that day came. During their home study, the social worker informed them it would be wise to go ahead and set up a nursery because there was no way of knowing when it would actually happen. The social worker said it could six weeks, six months or a couple of years.
The twins, who are now seven weeks old, have practically turned their parents into newborns themselves as they learn what it’s like to be parents for the first time. But as time has gone by, Ramona and Brandon have become naturals.
“Most parents have nine months to prepare and get ready with the motivation they’re going to be parents. But for us, when I say it was literally overnight, that’s how quick it was. It was a huge adjustment for us as individuals and a couple, but we were so ready,” Ramona said. “It just seemed to kind of come natural to us. I don’t know if it’s because of our age or because we wanted it so desperately. It’s been a transition but a good transition.”
Ramona advises couples who are considering adopting to understand that it is a long waiting process, which is the hardest part about it. However, her No. 1 piece of advice is not to lose hope.
“God knows right where you are, and His timing is always perfect. When the timing is right, God will send the perfect baby, or babies in my case, to an adoptive parent or couple,” she said. “No. 2, research and read as much you can just as if you were a pregnant female or pregnant couple. Do your due diligence to find out the basic necessities of what you need and what you want because there’s a lot of stuff that goes into a baby, lots of decisions about little things.”
In the case of Ramona and Brandon Melder, God is good. And they have two beautiful baby boys as proof.
