Our pastor delivered a message in his sermon last Sunday that unexpectedly struck a chord within me, as it guided me toward some internal soul-searching. The message was based on the essential notion, “Show me somebody’s friends and I’ll show you their future.”
The theory is that, looking closely at someone and considering their circumstances and other people they associate with, has been proven to be a very accurate way to judge their character, moral values and generally what they’re all about.
Think about your most-inner circle of friends and ask:
Who are they to you (level of closeness)?
How long have you known each other?
How and why did your friendship begin?
How balanced is your “give and take” relationship?
Is your history of interactions more bad than good?
Depending on someone’s own personal answers, it’s interesting what it can reveal about ourselves. We’ve often heard familiar terms like: true blue friends; best friends forever; old childhood friends; high school friends; or life-long friends. But at the end of the day, do we actually have friends or “frenemies”?
There is an old saying, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” which is a phrase that makes perfect sense if you’ve ever been betrayed or burned or cheated by someone you trusted.
Far too many people are categorical users and posers who have & value their own agendas over true friendship. Unfortunately, this deceitful practice is nothing new – it goes back in time as far as when Jesus walked the earth and had friends like Judas.
Most folks have a high comfort level in trusting or depending on their family above friends, which is only natural. Family members often tend to share a higher element of obligation to help each other, since they’re related. But think about it — a real/true friend actually chooses on their own to get involved and offers to help with your crisis or dilemma, without any pressure of being in the family.
In many cases, friends can surpass family members as far as closeness, trust, love, loyalty, etc. So it can really shed light on the theory that blood may not always be thicker than water.
In my case, I’m proud to say I’m still able to enjoy the wonderful tie that binds in the thickness of a blood-relative – my sister, Konya. She’s absolutely the best and has served as our “family glue” for as long as I can remember. She’s always been, and continues to be, a loyal friend to many – but I’m fortunate enough to share her as the very strongest branch in our family tree.
Growing up, I had a hard time making friends because of my dad’s job on the pipeline.
It wasn’t all bad, there were plenty of benefits and advantages in seeing so much of the country at an early age, but I’d say one of the major sacrifices was definitely the inability to develop long-term friendships.
Just in my 10th grade year alone (in 1978) I attended five different schools. Most of my earlier school years were no different. In fact, I never went to one school for an entire year.
I learned at an early age that it was easier to just avoid close friendships, since I already knew it would only be a matter of time, usually a very short time, before I would have to say goodbye — often in just a few months.
Most people develop a lot of friendships over a lifetime, from their adolescent years, through teenagers, high school and college, and into young adults. Of course, not all friendships survive the test of time and many simply fade away. dissolve fade away.
You’re really lucky to emerge into life’s later years and to be able to count, on one hand, your close “true” friends. Life just has this cruel way of allowing relationships to dissolve before you know it. You wake up one day and realize that so much time has gone by, it’s either too late to reconnect or you couldn’t locate them even if you wanted to.
Some common descriptions of a true friend include: somebody who drops everything and just shows up when you need something; someone who knows what you need, even before you realize you need it; someone who is willing to have that uncomfortable conversation or tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear.
Another point that hit home for me within Sunday’s sermon is that I did exactly what our pastor has always advised — I married my best friend. My wife, Lucy, came into my life a little over 30 years ago.
Although it hasn’t always been daisies and daffodils, she has been my saving grace and managed to make my entire existence worthwhile. So after two kids & three grandkids — beyond her roles as wife, mother, referee, counselor and boss, I still consider her the best friend I ever had.
Take a few minutes sometime and consider your friends. Make sure they’re really who you need as friends, and just as important — make sure you’re being the kind of friend to them that you need to be. Life cuts both ways.
Danny O’Fallon is the publisher of
The Columbian-Progress. He may be
reached at (601) 736-2611 or
dofallon@columbianprogress.com.
