Are you one of those die-hard optimists with the greatest of intentions to kickoff every new year with some kind of behavioral modification that’s sure to improve yourself and the world around you? I am.
Yes, even at the tender age of 57, I still refuse to throw in the towel and admit defeat to reality. I’m a firm believer in the theory of, “it’s the thought that counts” – and I do a lot of thinking, even if I usually fall short of my goals. OK I’ll admit it – I always fall short of my goals, but yet I keep hoping, aiming higher and trying.
At this time a year ago, who would have ever thought to consider basing any of their new year’s resolutions on what was about to descend onto the world only three months later? Talk about a great time to have a crystal ball, huh?
I remember reciting a few of my standard favorites – dropping some weight, saving some money, being a better Christian, husband and friend, etc. While, little did I know, I should have been heavily hoarding bleach, toilet paper, face masks and hand sanitizer. What a missed investment opportunity!
Surviving the last nine months of 2020, with most of us enduring some unprecedented challenges and inconveniences in our daily lives, it should be a no-brainer that we expect a better year in 2021.
After all, it shouldn’t take much to improve coming off a year with those conditions, right? I mean, how much worse could it be? Wait – don’t actually answer that because I’m afraid we’re all about to find out sooner than later.
Between the pending outcome of the most controversial presidential election in modern history and the newly-released (barely-tested) coronavirus vaccine, few will argue that these uncharted circumstances make for some very divisive times in the near future.
That brings into question, how many new year’s resolutions followed common tradition, versus some degree of modification to adapt to our bent new circumstances? Some of the typical goals we’re used to seeing include commitments to learn a second language, donate money or volunteer time to a worthy cause, etc.
By comparison, in keeping with our consistent history of warped human thinking and considering these abnormally unprecedented times, here is an assortment of unconventional resolutions I found this week:
*Try turning off my phone and talk to people in real life.
*Teach myself just one decent party trick.
*Collect air-sick bags from every major airline.
*Switch off my phone while eating.
*Wave to other motorists at every four-way stop I come to.
*Lock myself in a basement for as long as I can stand it.
*Only receive fans as gifts for the rest of my life.
*Knit more winter sweaters for freezing trees.
*Kiss more parked cars.
*Try extreme ironing (setup an ironing board in the middle of a busy freeway).
*Learn to dislike all children (my own and those of others).
*Subscribe to more trade journals and junk mail (makes great rolled firewood).
*Get more active in “news-raiding” (waving from the background of live-TV shots).
*Help clean my town by emptying ash trays at my local bus station.
*Randomly sew one sequin onto every piece of clothing I own.
*Get some fresh air.
*Do absolutely nothing.
Regardless of our past success rates in achieving our resolutions, please try your best to maintain a healthy, positive attitude, don’t ever give up and keep aiming high. Remember these two old adages...”this, too, shall pass,” and “what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.”
Danny O’Fallon is the publisher of
The Columbian-Progress. He may be
reached at (601) 736-2611 or
dofallon@columbianprogress.com.
