Lots of tears flowed in the cold night air at City Park last Sunday. Some of them were mine, but I wasn’t alone.
The Columbia chapter of Compassionate Friends held its annual candlelight ceremony around its pavilion in the park behind the Columbia-Marion County Library and I joined around 100 people who were remembering loved ones who had died.
The ceremony is something we’ve written about at The Columbian-Progress for years, but something I have never attended until last week.
Around me were grieving parents, siblings and friends, all gathered with candles in hand to remember their lost loved ones. I might have been the only surviving spouse of one the people being remembered, I’m honestly not sure. You see, Compassionate Friends was founded to help parents who have lost children learn to cope with the loss. As most of you know, my wife, Amelia Winters Magee Rogers, died suddenly on Oct. 10. Her death is fresh on many of our minds this holiday season. Her mom, Carrie, was one of those parents who stood in the cold night air and held a candle as names were read, prayers said and Silent Night echoed from two flutes.
I saw a lot of familiar faces and hugged a lot of people at the solemn ceremony.
You see, while most people are preparing for one of the happiest holidays of the year, Christmas, and looking forward to celebrating the coming of a new year, there are those whose holiday seasons are clouded by grief.
Like many, I’ve dealt with the loss of my parents. It’s something we expect in our lifetimes as we grow older. But for most of the people present, the reality was that they were the parents, siblings and friends of a child who passed before their time. Some as young as newborns are marked in the stones along the walkway behind the library. Their causes of death range from diseases and health issues to vehicle accidents, overdoses and even murder.
As a parent, it’s a feeling I can’t imagine. While I was preparing my house for the arrival of my son, Brian, from college, these families are left with an empty spot under the Christmas tree or an empty Christmas stocking hanging by the fireplace.
I feel their pain and I can even empathize. It’s going to be rough around my house this Christmas. I tried to offer words of hope and prayers to many, though I feel inadequate to do so.
My loss is deep, I grieve every single day as I miss my best friend, my companion … my spouse. However, the loss for many of these people seems so much deeper.
I’m grateful for a group like the Compassionate Friends. It formed more than 40 years ago in England, and the idea of comforting families who lost children soon spread to the United States. Today, Compassionate Friends has nearly 700 chapters serving all 50 states.
Now each time I, Amelia’s parents, family and friends go to the library, we can be reminded of the life she lived as well as the lives of so many others. Bricks with the names of the children of Marion County who have gone on before us remind us of just how fragile life is and of how things can change in an instant.
Remember all of those who lost a loved one this year or those who are struggling with loss. Be sympathetic when you see them. Sometimes, a simple hug is all that’s needed – no words, but just a simple sign that you acknowledge their pain.
With all of that said, through my own personal grief, I want to take this opportunity to wish all of you the most blessed and merry of Christmases.
May it be a time of happiness, food and family, and may your 2018 be your brightest year yet.
Mark Rogers is managing editor of The Columbian-Progress. Reach him at news@columbianprogress.com or (601) 736-2611.
