This week, we have focused on the Business and Professional Women of Marion County. Even the most professional and accomplished women can have issues with self-worth and self-love.
Low self-esteem is an issue faced by many women. When a woman has high self-esteem, she tends to feel positive about herself, and she is better able to deal with life's ups and downs. On the other hand, when a woman's self-esteem is low, they tend to feel they are incapable of accomplishing goals and of living a fulfilled life.
When a woman hears a critical voice in her head, it generally has the sound of her own voice, but if she looks at what is being said, it comes from messages and words said to her by others. These messages came from outside of her but became a part of her, spoken in her own language, in her own voice.
Maybe those words were from her childhood. It might have been from parents, teachers, siblings, friends, classmates or anyone who conveyed messages that she was unworthy and not enough. People need to think about what they say to children and how those words can stay with them for their entire lives. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" is not a true statement. Words do hurt. Bullying hurts. Cruel people hurt.
Maybe those words were from adulthood. It might have been from family, peers, society's expectations or from a "person who loved her." If those around you are constantly breaking you down without building you up, think about whether they are someone you need in your life.
Low self-esteem causes us to feel unable to meet the challenges of life and to feel like we are not enough or that we are not deserving of good things. We hide from social situations, stop trying new things and avoid things we fear we might fail at.
In the short term, avoidance of situations and people may protect us and help us feel safe, but in the long run, it reinforces our doubts and fears. It keeps us frozen and stuck from moving forward and becoming what we long to be. Not what we are expected to be or others say we should be but what we long to be in our hearts.
Bob Marley was once asked if there was a perfect woman. He replied, "Who cares about perfection? Even the moon is not perfect. It is full of craters. The sea is incredibly beautiful but salty and dark in the depths. The sky is always infinite but often cloudy. Everything that is beautiful isn't perfect. Stop trying to be 'perfect' and try to be free and live, doing what you love, not wanting to impress others."
There are many things you can do to improve your self-esteem.
Think of what you loved as a child before the world and people caused you to rethink those core values and loves. Do those things. Be like a child no matter how old you are.
Start to take note of these negative words you hear in your head and when you began to hear or think those thoughts, then write down evidence that challenges these words. Write down positive thoughts about yourself and do daily affirmations. Even if you don't believe the words are true at first, say them anyway.
It's never too late to change your view of yourself. Recognize what you are good at. Build positive relationships. Connection with others is a necessary part of life. Be kind to yourself. Learn to be assertive. Start saying "no." Give yourself goals and challenges.
You can begin with a simple daily ritual. List three things you are grateful for, read three affirmations, make at least one promise to yourself each day and follow through on it. Be quiet for a minimum of two minutes. Do some type of movement.
Taking action is at the core of making sure our self-esteem issues do not keep us from living in freedom, peace and happiness. Write down what needs to be done and break it down into small, simple one-step tasks. Take that step even if it is a small one. It might be as simple as "Find the phone number," "Pick up the phone," "Dial," and so on.
Do it. Learn to live and stop hiding. Be happy.
Beth Riles is a staff writer for The Columbian-Progress. She may be reached at (601) 736-2611 or eriles@columbianprogress.com.
