That moment...
I pray that all could be spared that one moment, or maybe I don't. Will explain that in a bit.
Anyway, I sit wondering tonight, just how many times I need to be shown how utterly stupid I am. As I watched the steady rain come down, I saw little ponds in my front (and back) lawn getting deeper and growing bigger. Yikes!
Looking back, I realize how important this was to me, home ownership, having a place away from my family. I won't say anymore on that last part because it would not be fair, nor necessarily a fair assessment to start. I will reveal the loss of both my parents this year which still has me spinning on some days but that may or may not be relevant to anything at all.
It was important to me to prove (to my family)?, that I was able to take care of myself, to establish a foothold, (I've always been a bit of a nomad), to "be responsible ".
So, I jumped into "a great deal" and acquired a property. It's a small place, with a small parcel of land surrounding it, and got a little avacado tree (in a pot) that's already produced some tiny flowers. I was looking forward to installing it into the earth in my yard this spring. Alas for broken dreams. I also have, en route, 7 various holly bushes (ordered before the rains came) but they will likely be placed in permanent pots as soon as I can afford the expenditure.
Did I mention that I'm on a fixed income. Lol. This is why my utter stupidity came to light. I can see simultaneously with my little "ponds", the money that will need to be spent to bring about a remedy.
Thank God, Maker of Heaven and earth, that I can sleep peacefully in a comfortable safe dwelling!
This is where I explain the opening of this post:
You see, many years back I was shown for the first time just how utterly stupid I was. Serving the god of materialism, and the god of self. Enjoying abundance in meals and getaways and possessions.
I am fortunate and truly blessed that I was able to see God, and His Holy Son, Jesus, my Lord and King, just for who they really were.
This God I serve, He is so much larger,and more powerful and abundant in mercy and steadfast love, than any man or woman can imagine.
Because of Him, I am able in my spirit, to regard whatever loss I suffer in the current age, as virtually meaningless.
No one enjoys seeing himself as utterly stupid, and we all have done or said some very not smart things, but a remedy for all the trivial "stuff" that occurs has been graciously provided to us.
May we all seek wholeheartedly the ultimate answer in Jesus, and having sought Him, found Him, and live in,through, and for Him in all love for Him and others until the Day of His glorious return. Amen!
